Engagement Pictures!

The talented Joey Murrell Benedict of j&a photos took our engagement pictures a few weekends ago and we finally go them back, after much anticipation! I wanted to do a baking theme and it turned out perfectly! Joey has taken my family's pictures for years - I remember taking my senior portraits and talking about how Joey was going to have to do my wedding pictures. It's so exciting to have that dream come to fruition!

 

 

Real Marriage Nuggets O' Wisdom

As you, loyal follower, are probably aware of, I went to the Real Marriage conference with my fiance and two wonderful friends this past weekend. It was awesome.

Prior to the conference, I listened to some of the RM sermons as well as read parts of the book, so some of the information was the same, but let's be real, Mark Driscoll is pretty much hilarious so hearing the same joke twice was fine by me. Most of the wisdom I felt like I gained was from Grace, Mark's wife, during the Q&A sessions.

Here are some wisdom nugs from the conference:

Nugget 1: There are 3 kinds of marriages:

1. Back-to-back: back to back marriages aren't good, in fact, they're kind of awful. Generally couples with this type of marriage have separate activities, separate beds, separate bank accounts, etc. They don't even really enjoy each other, and they sure as heck aren't friends.
2. Shoulder-to-shoulder: this kind of marriage is your run-of-the-mill, not too shabby (but not too great) marriage. These couples are task oriented. They're focused on ministry, children, other family members, etc. all before their spouse. This is the life-happened-and-I-woke-up-fifteen-years-later-to-realize-I-didn't-know-my-spouse kinda marriage. This is the most easy to fall into marriage. Ultimately an idol is holding this type of marriage together, and often when that idol is removed, the spouses go their separate ways.
3. Face-to-face: In a face-to-face marriage, the husband and wife are friends. They are constantly growing in their friendship with Jesus and their friendship with each other. (That's what I'm talkin' bout.) 

 Nugget 2: ask good questions

• "How are you doing?" is a face-to-face question
• "What are you doing?" is a shoulder-to-shoulder question

Nugget 3: sanctification
"A spouse doesn't change you, they reveal you." Marriage is sanctifying. Relationships in general are. (Aaaamen to that.)
They used an analogy of two cups, one representing each spouse. Your spouse doesn't determine what's in the cup or change what's in the cup, but they can bump against your cup and see what comes out. (Can you say, "convicting?")

Nugget 4: Marriage gets better or it gets bitter.
To borrow the words of my pastor's wife, you aren't "dealt" a good marriage or a bad marriage. Its a dynamic relationship that you work on together.

Nugget 5: how to fight
Dr. John Gottman, a marriage researcher, can predict (with 91% accuracy) whether or not couples will get a divorce based on these four factors during conflict:

1. Criticism that attacks the person not the problem. (a.k.a. "You always do this!" or "You never do that!")
2. Contempt that is rooted in disgust. This manifests itself in a parental tone.
3. Defensiveness where the guilty person refuses to repent.
4. Stonewalling (where one person shuts down or walks away)

Nugget 6: sin or mistake?
Agree to ground rules before fighting: Has your spouse committed a sin or simply made a mistake? 

Nugget 7: conflict isn't bad because it's real, heartfelt, and sanctifying
"If you never fight, you probably aren't having heartfelt conversations that often lead to disagreement." (Real Marriage)

I didn't even get to half of the little bits of wisdom I took away from the weekend because there were lots! I know Mark and Grace have gotten a lot of flack for their book. I know every Christian doesn't get warm and fuzzy insides when they hear the name "Mark Driscoll." But their book isn't a hard and fast rule book that's all about sex (in fact, only half the book is about sex). It's got good principles for friendship, and more specifically, the most intimate friendship - marriage!

You can listen to the Real Marriage series here and purchase the book here!

Monday Musings: Real Marriage Tour!

For my birthday, my sweet fiance got me tickets (+ the greatest popcorn maker ever) to hear Mark and Grace Driscoll speak at their Real Marriage conference in Lynchburg, VA!

We have really great friends that came too, which made the weekend twice as fun and laughter-filled! Thanks for coming, TJ & Lauren!

Once again, this weekend was full of adult-like moments. I purchased (read: my daddy purchased) two hotel rooms. I checked into a hotel. By myself. What is this world coming to?! I might as well have a 401k. Lauren and I had to balance out being "real" adults by staying up ridiculously late having pillow talk, 7th-grade-sleepover-style.

It was super fun and insightful! I am so thankful we received some wise and practical counsel to prep for actually being married! Woohoo!

 "I just loooove the way Mark Driscoll speaks to men." (If you haven't seen Sh*tuff Christian Girls Say, run to YouTube. Like, now.)

We ended the weekend by eating sushi - which was a first for Lauren! - and watching The Notebook, per TJ's request.

Unsure, indifferent, and a thumbs-up to sushi in Chapel Hill!

The weekend was overall pretty fantastic. The conference itself was really great! Mark and Grace shared tons of wisdom nuggets, which, never fear, friends, I too will share with you soon! :)

My "10 Foot Tall" Man

This past summer I got lots of relationship advice. Some was wonderful, some was... interesting, as personal opinions and varied experiences often make for.  

Today, friends, count yourselves lucky, because I'm sharing with you one of said gems in the sometimes awesome and always awkward realm of relationships...

"Your husband should be 10 feet tall."

Obviously, this isn't meant to be literal. Although, let's be real, marrying a 10 foot tall man would be welcome chlorine to my vertically challenged gene pool.  

When I first heard this proverb, I was confused, then, with some explanation, enlightened. Ladies, in your mind, your man should be so incredibly wonderful that he seems 10 feet tall. A man that is "10 feet tall" is one who is easy to look up to (punny!) and easy to follow. He's a protector. He garners respect. His presence is never overlooked. There's so much of him that you could brag about his good qualities for hours on end. In essence, you're marrying up big time (hence the hyperbolized analogy).

  

Bottom line: ladies, make sure your man is super tall. I know mine is :)

The Proposal!

*Drum roll*

This past Friday my mom came into town for us to spend the day together and look at reception venues. Since Miles & I were (slash are) courting, I wasn't afraid to start planning without a ring. Plusss I may or may not have seen a confirmation email regarding a certain engagement ring so I knew it was in the works :)

We went to multiple places in Durham and were scheduled to see one of Summit's venues (BC South) last. I was somewhat suspicious because my mom made me freshen up before going to BC South by using not one, but two oil absorbing wipes. Thanks for looking out for me, Mom. We walked down to BC South from the church office and as soon as I went in I saw the TVs in the lobby projecting Psalm 34:3 (Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together!), which is the verse I've prayed over my future husband since middle school. I was so surprised & excited and at that point knew exactly what was happening.

I went inside the main sanctuary to find this:

A table full of Easter lilies and daisies (my favorites!), candles, and the Valentine's Day card I made for Miles on the screen.

And I saw this handsome man waiting on me!  

 

He started off by talking about why he chose BC South to propose - it's where we met, where we fell in love during Kid's Week, and where he fasted and prayed for me throughout the summer. Then he read Proverbs 31:10-31, explaining that he had prayed over that passage for over two years, praying with expectation that God would bring him a woman that lined up with those verses.

Next, he read a poem he wrote me this summer. I wish I could remember all the wonderful things in it, but I was just too excited to remember my name, let alone a long string of beautiful words. The coolest, nerdiest part of the night was the fact that the Proverbs 31 passage and the poem Miles wrote were both acrostics!

The last line of the poem was about never being apart in this life and then he, fittingly, asked me to marry him!

I, of course, said yes! About 0.35 seconds after screaming "yes," I shoved the ring on my finger. No waiting around on Miles. Whoops.

He picked me up, gave me a bear hug, and prayed for our new life together!

After everything went down, I noticed that TJ, Miles' friend, had been taking pictures the entire time! Thanks for capturing these sweet moments, TJ! 

We went out and my mom was so relieved because she could finally come clean about being suspicious all day. Then Miles said his family and my brother & my dad were all on their way to celebrate with us!

It was so incredibly perfect and sweet! I'm so excited to marry this godly man!

I'm Engaged!

 

This past weekend, on February 24, Miles proposed! It was so wonderful, sweet, and thoughtful! After he popped the question, which I immediately said yes to (while simultaneously shoving the ring on my finger), he said our families were coming to Raleigh to celebrate!

So we all went to Maggiano's, my hands down fav restaurant, to celebrate! And then, naturally, we stopped by Barnes & Noble to pick up some necessary wedding magazines :)

The whole story, along with pictures of the proposal, will likely come soon! Thanks for all the congratulations and well wishes. We're really excited!

(And I'm really excited to post all the wonderful wedding things I've come across now that it's official!)

What to Wear: Engagement Pictures

Around this time of year it seems like everybody and their sister is either engaged or about to be. It's such an exciting time! Fortunately for you, I've been meticulously taking notes while Facebook stalking other peoples' engagement pictures. Here are some attire tips!

1. One word: classic.

Imagine yourself in 19 years, flipping through your engagement and wedding pictures with your teenage daughters. Aim for "Mom, wow! That outfit was so classic!" not "What in the world were you thinking?!" I would seriously wear my mom's black & white polka dotted dress (minus some of the 80's poof in the sleeves) that she wore for her engagement pictures - you can't much more timeless than that!

2. Have multiple outfits. 
Try to vary them (i.e. a timeless dress for one outfit and jeans with boots and a nice top/blazer for another outfit). If you don't want to go through the hassle of an outfit change, stick with a classic piece, like a navy dress, and change accessories. Pair it with a statement piece like a chunky necklace or scarf for half the shoot, then put on a cute, but simple cardigan to finish out the pictures in.

3. Modest is hottest.

I say this tongue in cheek (I'll save my theological thoughts behind this Christianese phrase for another day), but seriously, your engagement pictures (and your wedding for that matter) isn't the best place to show off the weight you've lost in preparation for your big day. When picking out outfits, imagine finagling around on the ground posing for seemingly cute pictures and then showing said pictures to your Nana. Plus, if you feel modest and covered, chances are you'll feel more comfortable posing during the shoot, rather than spending tons of time pulling things up and down and feeling self-conscious.

Here are some outfits I really like and think would work well!

 

 *Swoon* I love this dress. I think lace and other delicate materials are so romantic for engagement pictures (so long as its, once again, modest).

 I really like the cutouts (not necessarily the color) of this dress. It covers everything while not looking Amish.

 Once again, so delicate! I think this would be wonderful with a navy blazer and a thin camel-colored belt and boots!

This dress is fabulous. You can't really tell from the picture, but its got small white polka dots all over. You could pair pretty much any accessory with this! 

And if you're wanting to go for a bold statement piece, pair it with more classic pieces, like Sydney from the Daybook blog did here. This necklace is fantastic!

Most of the dresses here are from ModCloth and Anthropologie. If you're looking for good jewelry that doesn't break the bank check out The Jewel Box - their selection online isn't bad, but the stores are the best!